May
14

“Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man habituated to a narrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which he seldom travels, step beyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure from the monotonous scene on which he has been an actor of importance would seem to be the signal for instant confusion. The mine which Time has slowly dug beneath familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what was rock before, becomes but sand and dust.”

I’d like to tell you all that I was abducted by aliens but knowing how distorted my friends’ thinking is I’ll let that be! I was not abducted by aliens and NO I was not sexually molested by them either. 

I’d like to tell my readers, all two and three fourths of them, that I was in hibernation for the last 2 moths or so, but you wouldn’t believe me coz I have been a part of your lives as much as I ever was.

I’d also like to tell my readers that I did not have access to the internet but then yeah! :-D

So HERE I am. Back into blogosphere. I’ve been reading loads and loads of blogged ranting. Very diverse writers. Very intriguing views. Very very controversial subjects. I’ve had the opportunity to pick out a few good ones that I think ARE the best ones among the millions out there which I’ll be adding to the “Blogs I Read” section to the right of this page. But primarily, I really haven’t been filing these spaces coz I didn’t have anything to write about. But not anymore………………

Philosophy, women and friends are out. Business, politics, health and entertainment is in. Everything in sports except the performance of the Indian cricket team is in. The Indian cricket team is out. And like my friend Gollum once said, “Make your posts longer and more meaningful. Not short and brainless as they are.” Point taken my friend.

For all those of you who are expecting follow up posts to “Meet the parents.” [Well……5 of you mentioned it to me, so that qualifies as a ‘popular demand’ enquiry for me], I am ready with 2 of them. Soon. Soon.

One of you mentioned that starting off blogs a.k.a ‘Blogfanatic health Files’ and ‘Blogfanatic on Business’ linked to your primary  blogger ID and not filling those spaces is equivalent to encroaching WWW space. Point taken again. One post a day. A promise that will stand the test of time.

A thousand thanks to San.., Am.., Raj.., Nar.., Vij.. . I’ll keep the look of the blog that way. Simple. And I’m sorry I won’t be able to turn off comments moderation.

And last but not the least, a few quotes that have had me depressed, introspective and optimistic all at the same time. I ended on a high. I ended up inspired………

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can’t be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.
- Red [ The Shawshank Redemption]

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.
- Anonymous.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude.
 
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.

- Charles Swindoll

“The goal of mankind is knowledge … Now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man ‘knows’, should, in strict psychological language, be what he ‘discovers’ or ‘unveils’; what man ‘learns’ is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge.”
- Swami Vivekananda.

Mar
27

Got the below in a forward. I found it so funny, that I had to put it up here. My personal favourites : 2,6,7 and definitely 11……….

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language. 2. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

3. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

4. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in Bushra; the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

5. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

6. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica!

7. Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

8. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

9. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

10. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

11. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

12. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

13. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

14. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

15. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2038.

16. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

17. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

18. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

19. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Mar
15

And so the story goes, metaphorically speaking; there was a kangaroo who hopped his way into her life, hopped around for close to three years, made a lot of noise, found everything depressing, poignant and pointless and consequently hopped away because his nature was to be happy and purposeful. :D

In other words, yet another member of the fairer sex who is a WAS.

Mar
14

Awrite!!! That time of the decade again. Yippee!! For all the cricket fanatics, it DOES NOT get bigger than this. The ICC Cricket World Cup, 2007.

The Caribbean Islands, with its seas, coastlines, sub-tropical to tropical climate, reggae / calypso, cricket crazy fans, yachts and scuba diving makes for one of the closest to perfecto hosts for the World Cup. Add to that the chances of India winning the cup and voila! You get a fabuloso setting for some mouth watering action!

I’ll get right to what this post was meant to convey. My predictions for Cricket WC 2007:

Tue 13: West Indies v Pakistan, 1st Match, Group D, Jamaica

West Indies will win by 54 runs. [:D This one came true didn’t it?]

Wed 14: Australia v Scotland, 1st Match, Group A, St Kitts

Australia.

Wed 14: Kenya v Canada, 1st Match, Group C, Gros Islet, St. Lucia

Kenya

Thu 15: Sri Lanka v Bermuda, 1st Match, Group B, Trinidad

Sri Lanka

Thu 15: Zimbabwe v Ireland, 2nd Match, Group D, Jamaica

Zimbabwe

Fri 16: South Africa v Netherlands, 2nd Match, Group A, St Kitts

South Africa

Fri 16: England v New Zealand, 2nd Match, Group C, St. Lucia

New Zealand

Sat 17: Pakistan v Ireland, 3rd Match, Group D, Jamaica

Pakistan

Sat 17: India v Bangladesh, 2nd Match, Group B, Trinidad

India

Sun 18: England v Canada, 3rd Match, Group C, St. Lucia

England

Sun 18: Australia v Netherlands, 3rd Match, Group A, St Kitts

Australia

Mon 19: India v Bermuda, 3rd Match, Group B, Trinidad

India

Mon 19: West Indies v Zimbabwe, 4th Match, Group D, Jamaica

West Indies

Tue 20: South Africa v Scotland, 4th Match, Group A, St Kitts

South Africa

Tue 20: New Zealand v Kenya, 4th Match, Group C, St. Lucia

New Zealand

Wed 21: Sri Lanka v Bangladesh, 4th Match, Group B, Trinidad

Bangladesh [ Sri Lanka’s biggest upset in WC]

Wed 21: Zimbabwe v Pakistan, 5th Match, Group D, Jamaica

Pakistan

Thu 22: Scotland v Netherlands, 5th Match, Group A, St Kitts

Doesn’t matter who wins!

Thu 22: New Zealand v Canada, 5th Match, Group C, St. Lucia

New Zealand

Fri 23: West Indies v Ireland, 6th Match, Group D, Jamaica

West Indies

Fri 23: India v Sri Lanka, 5th Match, Group B, Trinidad

India

Sat 24: England v Kenya, 6th Match, Group C, St. Lucia

Kenya [England’s biggest upset in WC]

Sat 24: Australia v South Africa, 6th Match, Group A, St Kitts

South Africa [A tough call really]

Sun 25: Bermuda v Bangladesh, 6th Match, Group B, Trinidad

Bermuda [After defeating Sri Lanka, Bangladesh becomes very over confident and complacent. It loses here! Bermuda’s ONLY win in WC]

Team standings at the end of first round:

Group A:

A1: South Africa

A2: Australia

Group B:

B1: India

B2: Sri Lanka [After a lot of consideration and calculation]

Group C:

C1: New Zealand

C2: Kenya

Group D:

D1: West Indies

D2: Pakistan

Into the Super 8 stage:

Tue 27: PAKISTAN v SOUTH AFRICA, Super8, Game 1, St Peters, Antigua

South Africa

Wed 28: AUSTRALIA v INDIA, Super8, Game 2, Guyana

India [Wait and watch!!!]

Thu 29: PAKISTAN v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 3, St Peters, Antigua

New Zealand

Fri 30: WEST INDIES v KENYA, Super8, Game 4, Guyana

West Indies [C’mmon!! You didn’t expect Kenya to upset West Indies on the WC stage again, did you?!]

Sat 31: SOUTH AFRICA v SRI LANKA, Super8, Game 5, St Peters, Antigua

South Africa

Sun 01: PAKISTAN v INDIA, Super8, Game 6, Guyana

India [We’re kickin their ass in this one!]

Mon 02: SRI LANKA v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 7, St Peters, Antigua

Sri Lanka

Tue 03: WEST INDIES v AUSTRALIA, Super8, Game 8, Guyana

Australia

Wed 04: KENYA v INDIA, Super8, Game 9, St Peters, Antigua

India

Sat 07: SRI LANKA v AUSTRALIA, Super8, Game 10, Guyana

Australia

Sun 08: SOUTH AFRICA v KENYA, Super8, Game 11, St Peters, Antigua

South Africa

Mon 09: WEST INDIES v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 12, Guyana

West Indies [Tough call!]

Tue 10: PAKISTAN v AUSTRALIA, Super8, Game 13, Grenada

Australia

Wed 11: KENYA v SRI LANKA, Super8, Game 14, Barbados

Sri Lanka

Thu 12: INDIA v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 15, Grenada

New Zealand

Fri 13: SOUTH AFRICA v WEST INDIES, Super8, Game 16, Barbados

South Africa

Sat 14: AUSTRALIA v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 17, Grenada

Australia

Sun 15: SRI LANKA v WEST INDIES, Super8, Game 18, Barbados

West Indies

Mon 16: SOUTH AFRICA v INDIA, Super8, Game 19, Grenada

India

Tue 17: AUSTRALIA v KENYA, Super8, Game 20, Barbados

Australia

Wed 18: WEST INDIES v INDIA, Super8, Game 21, Grenada

India

Thu 19: PAKISTAN v SRI LANKA, Super8, Game 22, Barbados

Sri Lanka

Fri 20: SOUTH AFRICA v NEW ZEALAND, Super8, Game 23, Grenada

South Africa

Sat 21: PAKISTAN v KENYA, Super8, Game 24, Barbados

Pakistan

After a lot of calculation and performances taken into consideration, the final 4 teams are:

South Africa : 5 wins

Australia : 5 wins

India : 5 wins

West Indies : 3 wins [ They beat their closes competitor Sri Lanka based on NRR and their win over them in the Super 8 stage]

This is where it gets interesting. I am assuming South Africa and India won’t clash in the Semi Finals. If that were to be true, then the Semi Finals schedule is as follows:

Mon 23: Australia & South Africa, 1st Semi Final, Jamaica.

South Africa [Oh yeah!!]

Wed 25: India & West Indies, 2nd Semi Final, St. Lucia.

India

[Btw, 25th April, 2007 will perhaps be the saddest day for all West Indies’ cricket fans. Their hopes of winning the WC on home soil will be destroyed by the Indians…………from INDIA]

Sat 28: Finals, Barbados, INDIA & SOUTH AFRICA

Well?? I’d like to say India, but I know South Africa. What the hell??

INDIA LIFTS THE ICC CRICKET WORLD CUP 2007. GIMME AN AMENNN!!! :D

Mar
11

DISCLAIMER: The author wishes to clarify that he is not envious of anybody in this world especially NOT the ones he mentions/hints at in this post. I don’t give a flea’s ass about ya’ll.

Orkut for you ignorant poor lil animals is a social networking website where people can keep ‘in touch’ with their friends [That’s right!! Mobile phones and the email/messenger service have taken a hike people!!], build communities, scribble in each others’ scrap book endlessly and what’s more, find your potential partner online! For folks already part of the network, it is one helluva cool place to hang out! [Damn right eh?!] The site primarily gets it popularity quotient from various factors as listed below:

1. Members blowing their own trumpets in their profile description [You make YOU look good!].

2. Friends of members giving the members a huge ego thrust by writing cool testimonials about them [Though people have admitted to me that they really don’t mean whatever they write about their friends. I write you a cool one, you owe me one. A popular funda.]

3. Google owns Orkut now. Hey who wouldn’t want one single login ID to GTalk, Orkut and a thousand more websites owned by one single company!?

4. You get to create, be the owner and moderate your very own exclusive community! Now, isn’t that a wonderful option to have?! You choose who is good enough to be in your community, you choose what topics will form the backbone of your community and hell show the world you hate someone by just creating a ‘I Hate that jerk’ community! [Oh! Students have started communities to show how much they hate their professors.]

5. You have your own album! Put all those wonderful pics you have with you and didn’t know where to put. [Yep! Whoever heard of Flickr, Google and Yahoo photos, right?!]

6. My personal favorite: That long lost love of yours you assumed was out of your life forever! Remember!?! Guess what?!?! She is on Orkut too!! Hit on her now. Never too late, is it?!

7. You will invariably also find most of your friends here. Everyone from your first best friend, to your current best friend, to your first crush, your first love, your enemies, your teachers and if you are unlucky your mom and dad as well! [Seriously! You’d want your parents to find out how much time you spend on the internet just browsing thro profiles for that one ‘hot chick’?! Lemme tell ya. YOU DON’T!]

8. And yes, I’ve seen people business networking on Orkut as well. A nice place to make some money?! I don’t know bout that!!

Orkut is so popular in India [Only third after Brazil and the USA], that it is not going to be long before the entire population of India aged 10-30 are going to have at least one profile [Yeah! A few morons have more than one] on Orkut by 2015. The website got its name from Orkut Buyukkokten, the geek who developed the damn thing. There is also a theory doing that rounds that the Finnish slang for ‘Orgasm’ is, yep, you guessed it right, the word Orkut.

A few things I find very very amusing on Orkut:

1. People with friends in excess of a million [read 300]. Seriously!!?! You have that many friends in real life?!?! It is a closed community of friends for god’s sake!!

2. People with a thousand fans [read 150]. Everyone who knows you wants to be like you?! Everyone who you ever met from the day you were born till the present adore you that much?!?!

3. A zillion scrapbook entries?!?! [Read, GET A LIFE!!]

4. Profiles with the display image NOT belonging to the owner of the profile. Invariably someone who thinks he/she is so ugly and repulsive that automatically displaying Hrithik’s / Aishwarya’s picture will convince people on their friends list that they are way too good looking than what their friends actually thought!

5. People planning their day based on what scraps they are expecting that day. If there is no one scrapping them, then they scrap themselves with stuff like their fortune for the day, a newspaper headline, their profound thought for that day or simply a “Hi” to themselves! [ GeeZZZ!!]

6. I know a guy who was so crazy bout this certain pretty thing that he quit his job, stayed back at home, opened her Orkut profile, scrapped her every 20 milliseconds just to keep her scrap count normal [She was one of those as well! She has 20K scraps already].

7. Real stupid people putting up really really stupid photographs with really really really stupid lines below.

8. Chain posts: All those insane fuckin scraps and messages threatening you to pass it on to all your friends or lose your profile. You are a friggin moron to have believed that. Why drag me into it?!!

9. Repeated friend’s request to someone if you’ve been rejected once. Stop acting desperate!

10. If you happen to come across a pretty young thing or a group of pretty young things posing for a photograph, please stop and take a minute to ask them the reason for the photograph. You will invariably get an answer which goes, “Ooohh, this picture is for my Orkut profile album”. I have had personal experiences in coffee houses where I overheard lil girls proudly say, “Wow! This picture will look sooooo good on my Orkut profile!!!!!! [Add nods and shrill gestures of agreement to the whole scene]

11. And last but not the least. Traversing through profiles of women on finding them in each of the profile you’ve previously visited, reading all their scraps and deciding to add them to your list in the end just coz you found her hot n sexy! [ I’m not a woman. I have friends. Yawwwn!]

As for me, I have been there for quite sometime now. Enough to make me feel like running away for good. I am contemplating deleting my profile soon. Sooner than you think. Call me from now on, you hear?! :D

Mar
08

If finding a good looking, caring, sympathizing, intelligent girl in this big bad world wasn’t harsh enuff, there is also the part where you propose marriage to the girl and then go to meet her parents to just complete the ritual of `taking the litmus test’ under the watchful supervision of her parents. YEPPP! I’m speaking of the decisive phase between healthy courtship and marriage. The time when you [the guys] will be meeting her parents to give them the opportunity to decide whether their daughter has made the right choice or if a regular Bollywood movie high intensity melodrama is about to unfold. Welcome to planet earth. Welcome to the time when your whole life, till that day will be under the microscope. Welcome to a phase in your life when your past is meaningless, your present useless and your future non-existent. Anything and everything you have ever believed was a total load of crap. Everything you WILL start believing now is the plain truth. That’s life. THAT, my friend, is reality.

I was wondering as to what exactly transpires at the time of the actual meeting and if just being smart and reasonable and of course heavy in the pocket is enough to get the approval of her parents. We’ve heard a lot about how fathers don’t like any guy their daughter has chosen coz it makes them feel that their very purpose of existence has been slaughtered! Their pride takes a sound thrashing coz what they should have done, someone else has already gone and done, and it doesn’t matter even if the other person is their own daughter. I want to look at each of these meetings the way I see it happenin. In all future posts related to this one, I will be taking the case of one language or community from this multi-lingual/multi-ethnic country of ours.

In a series called “Meet the parents”, I will be writing on real situations that men are put through. I wish to make it clear that I mean no offense to any community or language. And NO, these posts are NOT related to the Robert De Niro/Ben Stiller starrer MEET THE PARENTS. You would find posts related to the movie on my Parody page if at all.

And YES, if you are a guy and are hoping for tips/pointers on making your first encounter with her parents a success, then lemme hasten to add that there are none here. I am also assuming you have already proposed marriage to your girl and she gave you a positive response. If not; DUDE getting her is tougher is than getting her parents to agree! Get her to agree first!!

Mar
02

It is an understatement to call me a ‘Net Addict’. I am much more that that. I live in the internet. I sleep in it. I get so much internet time these days, what with unlimited download broadband connection at home and the same luxury in office. I am finding it very hard to take a shit without actually looking it up in the internet to find if there are any new procedures doing the rounds in getting it out more conveniently and effectively. THAT BAD!! But how can someone live without the internet?!?! That’s the fuckin problem!!! They can’t!!!

I made quite a few resolutions this year. I should probably add the following as well. It is called the 12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts found from a popular website. Pardon me but where else would you go around looking for a list like that except for the web?!! Here goes……

  • I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
  • I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
  • I will get dressed before noon.
  • I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
  • I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
  • I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
  • I will read a book… if I still remember how.
  • I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
  • I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
  • I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
  • I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
  • Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Only time will tell my friends…………………

Mar
02

The croc has a serious problem. A real serious fuckin’ problem! A loose tongue! That’s what he has.

You’ve used the “F” word at some point in your life. Once you’ve used it, you’ve either found it as disgusting as finding your wife/husband on bed with her ex that you swore never to use it again or, you were so amused by the ease with which you succeeded in fitting it into so many contexts that you used it many more times after that. Definitely the latter for the croc. The word has stuck with him for so long so much so that recently he said the word aloud in a meeting. Did he turn red with embarrassment, or what?! However, fortunately everyone else in the room were so distracted laughing at a joke that they didn’t notice the word slip outta his mouth, but he knows he’d escaped. Phew!!

Last heard, the croc was planning on taking “Good English” classes as another friend of his pointed out to him that he was grammatically crippled.

PS: The croc watched The Departed 39 times already. Still counting.

Feb
24

It is amazing how the human mind works. Oh yes it is! Read more about how people think and the types of people in the world, you’ll know what I am talking about. I am the kinda person who would fit his perceptions and experiences into a pre-existing framework of ideas. In simple words, I expect something to work that way I would want it to and when that doesn’t happen, I lose interest in it totally and it is very very difficult for me to have an interest in the object again. That, however, does not mean that I don’t seek a logical explanation to losing interest. It only means that I don’t want to wait for something to happen. I lose patience. That should also explain my interest in flirting with more than thousand ideas and picking the best of the lot.

Lately I have been considering a very important, let’s say object of interest very seriously. OK! “Object” is a very wide of the mark word to use here. I would call her a “subject”. I have known this subject for over 3 years now and for the last few months have actually begun to understand her more closely. The more I understood, the more I found myself sucked into this chasm where life without her appeared unimaginable. She became so much part of my life. She was all I ever wanted. But if you know me well, happy times don’t last long. I tend to flip out, without reason she would add, and conclude if ever there was something to happen only because I didn’t see it working. Don’t blame me for everything I just said coz I didn’t see anything happening anytime.

You might break away from any number of people in your life but you will always carry memories of that person with you for the rest of your life. It becomes harder when you’ve actually fallen in love with a person. I wouldn’t know coz I never “fell in love” per se, but then I can imagine. Lemme ask you people something, now if you were to come across someone so lovely that he/she swept you off your feet and you would love to spend the rest of your life with him/her and found out that the person had some “first love” that he/she can never get over, would you go ahead and think that you will fill so much love in his/her life that he/she will forget all about his/her first love or will you assume that he/she still being hung up on his/her first love will act as a hindrance if ever you were to spend your life with the person? Not a tough call if you are the kinda person who would move on yourself in case you found the “fill her life with love” thingie didn’t exactly work according to plan but for me it was tough. Fill me in what you think here. My point of view however is to get liberated from it all. Just STOP! I HATE complications. And that’s exactly what I did………………………Silly me?! SCREW YOU! C’mmon man! There are so many fish in the sea! Can’t u see?!?!

PS: N Yeah! I am yet to meet the subject. I would rather not!!

Feb
23