Amusing Orkut!

DISCLAIMER: The author wishes to clarify that he is not envious of anybody in this world especially NOT the ones he mentions/hints at in this post. I don’t give a flea’s ass about ya’ll.

Orkut for you ignorant poor lil animals is a social networking website where people can keep ‘in touch’ with their friends [That’s right!! Mobile phones and the email/messenger service have taken a hike people!!], build communities, scribble in each others’ scrap book endlessly and what’s more, find your potential partner online! For folks already part of the network, it is one helluva cool place to hang out! [Damn right eh?!] The site primarily gets it popularity quotient from various factors as listed below:

1. Members blowing their own trumpets in their profile description [You make YOU look good!].

2. Friends of members giving the members a huge ego thrust by writing cool testimonials about them [Though people have admitted to me that they really don’t mean whatever they write about their friends. I write you a cool one, you owe me one. A popular funda.]

3. Google owns Orkut now. Hey who wouldn’t want one single login ID to GTalk, Orkut and a thousand more websites owned by one single company!?

4. You get to create, be the owner and moderate your very own exclusive community! Now, isn’t that a wonderful option to have?! You choose who is good enough to be in your community, you choose what topics will form the backbone of your community and hell show the world you hate someone by just creating a ‘I Hate that jerk’ community! [Oh! Students have started communities to show how much they hate their professors.]

5. You have your own album! Put all those wonderful pics you have with you and didn’t know where to put. [Yep! Whoever heard of Flickr, Google and Yahoo photos, right?!]

6. My personal favorite: That long lost love of yours you assumed was out of your life forever! Remember!?! Guess what?!?! She is on Orkut too!! Hit on her now. Never too late, is it?!

7. You will invariably also find most of your friends here. Everyone from your first best friend, to your current best friend, to your first crush, your first love, your enemies, your teachers and if you are unlucky your mom and dad as well! [Seriously! You’d want your parents to find out how much time you spend on the internet just browsing thro profiles for that one ‘hot chick’?! Lemme tell ya. YOU DON’T!]

8. And yes, I’ve seen people business networking on Orkut as well. A nice place to make some money?! I don’t know bout that!!

Orkut is so popular in India [Only third after Brazil and the USA], that it is not going to be long before the entire population of India aged 10-30 are going to have at least one profile [Yeah! A few morons have more than one] on Orkut by 2015. The website got its name from Orkut Buyukkokten, the geek who developed the damn thing. There is also a theory doing that rounds that the Finnish slang for ‘Orgasm’ is, yep, you guessed it right, the word Orkut.

A few things I find very very amusing on Orkut:

1. People with friends in excess of a million [read 300]. Seriously!!?! You have that many friends in real life?!?! It is a closed community of friends for god’s sake!!

2. People with a thousand fans [read 150]. Everyone who knows you wants to be like you?! Everyone who you ever met from the day you were born till the present adore you that much?!?!

3. A zillion scrapbook entries?!?! [Read, GET A LIFE!!]

4. Profiles with the display image NOT belonging to the owner of the profile. Invariably someone who thinks he/she is so ugly and repulsive that automatically displaying Hrithik’s / Aishwarya’s picture will convince people on their friends list that they are way too good looking than what their friends actually thought!

5. People planning their day based on what scraps they are expecting that day. If there is no one scrapping them, then they scrap themselves with stuff like their fortune for the day, a newspaper headline, their profound thought for that day or simply a “Hi” to themselves! [ GeeZZZ!!]

6. I know a guy who was so crazy bout this certain pretty thing that he quit his job, stayed back at home, opened her Orkut profile, scrapped her every 20 milliseconds just to keep her scrap count normal [She was one of those as well! She has 20K scraps already].

7. Real stupid people putting up really really stupid photographs with really really really stupid lines below.

8. Chain posts: All those insane fuckin scraps and messages threatening you to pass it on to all your friends or lose your profile. You are a friggin moron to have believed that. Why drag me into it?!!

9. Repeated friend’s request to someone if you’ve been rejected once. Stop acting desperate!

10. If you happen to come across a pretty young thing or a group of pretty young things posing for a photograph, please stop and take a minute to ask them the reason for the photograph. You will invariably get an answer which goes, “Ooohh, this picture is for my Orkut profile album”. I have had personal experiences in coffee houses where I overheard lil girls proudly say, “Wow! This picture will look sooooo good on my Orkut profile!!!!!! [Add nods and shrill gestures of agreement to the whole scene]

11. And last but not the least. Traversing through profiles of women on finding them in each of the profile you’ve previously visited, reading all their scraps and deciding to add them to your list in the end just coz you found her hot n sexy! [ I’m not a woman. I have friends. Yawwwn!]

As for me, I have been there for quite sometime now. Enough to make me feel like running away for good. I am contemplating deleting my profile soon. Sooner than you think. Call me from now on, you hear?!